


Through All These Memories

by DestielHardcoreLove, Swlfangirl



Series: Cleaning Out the Que [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Castiel/Omega Dean Winchester, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Fluff and Angst, Jealous Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Memories, Past Benny Lafitte/Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-10 20:47:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19515247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielHardcoreLove/pseuds/DestielHardcoreLove, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swlfangirl/pseuds/Swlfangirl
Summary: The constant beeps in the hospital are slowly driving Alpha Castiel crazy as he paces the hallway, waiting for word on how his Omega is doing.  As time slowly continues to pass by, Castiel keeps himself busy with memories of his life with Dean.





	Through All These Memories

* * *

  
  


Castiel dragged the side of his thumb over his bottom lip, the distant sounds of beeps and machine whirrings a constant reminder of where he was. If it wasn’t the sounds, the scents and horrible fluorescent lighting overhead definitely was. He hated it here, especially the wait. After his last incident, he was banned to the hallway. How could they blame him? He was incredibly protective over his mate and Dean had been in distress. It wasn’t Castiel’s fault that every one of his Alpha senses went berserk. 

Smiling a little he remembered the first time he’d gone full Alpha because of Dean. And it was before either of them even realized he was going to be an Alpha or that they’d end up mating each other. 

_ Castiel chewed on his lip nervously. Usually, he was perfectly fine coloring in his corner and no one bothered him. But...there was a new kid in his class and he too was sitting alone, face down and barely responding to anything the teacher was saying to him. There was something deep in Castiel’s tummy that kept pulling towards the new kid. He also didn’t like how Alistair kept staring at him either. _

_ He waited another minute before he grabbed up his paper to move over to the other table. The other boy barely looked up but he did flinch when Castiel slowly sat down. _

_ “Hello,” Castiel said softly. The boy flinched again and Castiel chewed harder on his lip, “My name is Castiel.” He waited for a response but all he got was a quick lift of the other boy’s head. _

_ “It’s okay that you don’t wanna talk. I don’t like talking either. They make fun of the way I speak,” he whispered, a flurry of pride swelled within his chest when the other boy finally looked up for longer than a split second. The green of his eyes made Castiel smile, they were the same color as spring grass and spring was his favorite time of year! _

_ “They shouldn’t do that...it’s not nice, you-you talk fine,” Dean said, surprised by the words coming out of his own mouth. He didn’t like to talk to new people, didn’t like to give them any ammunition to use against him. His dad had taught him that well enough. He winced and internally apologized to the dead man but he probably didn’t care anymore. He wasn’t around to care anymore.  _

_ Castiel smiled brightly at the sound of his new friend's voice. It was soft, hesitant but it was like a light that Castiel was attracted to. He handed his new friend the blue one he seemed to be looking for and grabbed up a purple one for himself, “What’s your name?” he asked. _

_ He didn’t speak again but he did gently take the crayon Castiel had offered him and wrote out a crooked, sloppy ‘Dean’. He hoped his new friend, or whatever he was, wouldn’t mind. He seemed okay enough but Dean wasn’t supposed to talk, not without dad or mom or Sammy. _

_ Castiel read the name and nodded, “Hello Dean,” he said.  _

Castiel caught himself chuckling a little. If he had only known just how much his world would be flipped over on its ass after meeting Dean...hell even then he wouldn’t change a single second. He looked through the glass in front of him and sighed.

_ Castiel hurried outside, the other kids nearly knocking him over in their haste to get to the playground. He hadn’t gotten to talk to Dean at all today and wasn’t even sure if his friend had snuck outside already.  _

_ “Watch it nerd.” _

_ Castiel grunted as Alistair shoved past him, nearly knocking him over. He glared at the back of Alistair’s head, shaking his own as he looked around the playground for Dean. After several minutes looking he kicked at the ground before slumping down in the grass. Maybe Dean wasn’t even here today. Most the time he didn’t care playing by himself but a hollow feeling was starting to eat at him. _

_ For whatever reason, he perked up and began looking around. He wasn’t sure where or why but something was wrong. It wasn’t until he glanced back at the building that he knew what it could be. Alistair was bullying yet another kid and Castiel shook his head. What could he do? Alistair would just punch him in the face again. Though….there was just something different and off about this. He made his way over and when he saw exactly who Alistair was towering over, Castiel didn’t know what came over him. _

_ “Leave him alone!” Castiel shouted, rushing up and shoving Alistair hard.  _

_ Dean’s eyes went wide as Castiel pushed the bigger boy away. He’d tried to stay quiet like dad told him but he didn’t even say anything and Alistar just ‘knew’. The pills he was supposed to take weren’t working as well as they were supposed to if someone knew. He’d have to tell his mom, they might have to move again...he’d lose his friend.  _

_ “Back off bird boy, the Omega’s mine.”  _

_ “N-not-not yours,” Dean said, though his voice was rough and shaky because he didn’t use it much.  _

_ Castiel scrunched up his face. Omega? Dean was going to be an Omega? It didn’t bother him, he didn’t care what Dean was going to be, he was Castiel’s friend and that’s all that mattered. _

_ “He doesn’t belong to anyone you jerk! Just because you think you’re gonna be an Alpha when you present doesn’t mean you can push everyone else around!” Castiel shouted, quickly moving between Dean and Alistair. _

_ “C-cas, n-no…” Dean tried to say, he didn’t want his friend to get hurt and Alistair was a mean bully who hit. Bullies didn’t always hit but he could tell. He could tell that Alistair was that kind of bully.  _

_ Dean reached for him to pull him back just as Alistair’s fist reached the spot where Cas’ face had been. With the distraction, he pulled Cas’ hand and they ran back onto the playground where their teacher was waiting.  _

_ “Mrs Harvell, Mrs. Harvell!” Castiel shouted, keeping his fingers tightly locked around Dean’s. _

_ “Castiel? Dean? What’s wrong?” she asked, instantly alert. _

_ Castiel quickly told her what was going on and thankfully, their teacher went into action. Dean and Castiel were ushered back into the classroom while Alistair was taken care of. Castiel gently pulled Dean to the coloring table that practically was theirs because no one else used it. _

_ “Are you okay?” he asked. _

_ Dean had tried to stop Cas from telling the teacher, he knew that wasn’t something his dad would have liked but before he could gather the courage to say anything, Mrs. Harvelle was already leading them back into the school.  _

_ He bit his lip at the question, he wasn’t sure how he felt. He was grateful for the help but he didn’t want Cas getting into trouble for him. He didn’t want-there was a lot of things he didn’t want to happen with Cas, but a lot of things he did want too. He wanted to be Cas’ friend, had felt safe with him even before his heroics on the playground.  _

_ He couldn’t speak but Dean took his hand and put it on top of Cas’ and squeezed. _

_ It would have to be enough.  _

_ Castiel smiled, “You’re my best friend now Dean,” he said simply with a shrug. _

_ Dean didn’t say anything but he grinned his widest grin back at Cas and nodded in agreement. He had a best friend for the first time in his life and Cas seemed okay with him not saying much, so maybe...just maybe, it could work.  _

Castiel wiped at his cheek and shook his head. He was getting over emotional about memories that happened eons ago. There was a tissue suddenly in his vision and he jumped, looking over at his shoulder to see Benny.

“Hey...thanks, thanks for coming,” Castiel said, taking up the tissue.

Benny nodded, “Nowhere else I’d rather be man. I’m just glad you’re allowing me to be here,” he said.

Castiel grimaced but found himself shrugging, “I’ve heard Dean call me a dick far too many times. Didn’t wanna add another one to the list,” he snorted. Benny rolled his eyes and moved to peer through the same window he’d been staring at.

“Still though, not many Alphas are cool with their mate’s exes hanging around. Especially around a pregnant one,” he said. Castiel glanced up at him and sighed.

“Well, I’m not like most Alphas and you’re his best friend now,” he said. Benny reached up and squeezed Castiel’s shoulder. They both looked through the glass as another string of memories flitted over his eyes.

_ Castiel swallowed hard as his heart fluttered in his chest. There were only a few more weeks of high school left and before Castiel had to leave for college he needed to admit something to Dean. Finally, the door to Dean’s house opened and Castiel smiled at Dean’s younger brother Sam. _

_ “Hey, Dean up in his room?” he asked. Sam gave him a nod and Castiel hurried up the stairs, barely knocking on Dean’s door before pushing it open. _

_ Dean looked himself over for the tenth time but it never felt good enough. Benny was the star quarterback of the football team, not to mention one of the most gorgeous, manliest alpha’s he’d ever seen. Plus, from what Dean had learned, he was an okay guy too, not just someone who thought with his knot. It was everything his dad would have wanted for him.  _

_ “Hey Cas, sorry... Didn’t see you there… how do I look? You think it’s okay? Do I need to maybe try the red one again?” he asked, fidgeting with the buttons of his dress shirt.  _

_ Castiel’s breath hitched in his throat as he came closer and smiled, “You look great Dean,” he said biting his lip, glancing over at the red button up on the bed, “The red one would bring out your eyes more,” he said. _

_ “Thanks man, this is crazy… I never thought-it doesn’t matter, I just need to make sure I look my best, y’know?”  _

_ “Look your best?” Castiel asked with a small laugh. Then it hit him. Dean was dressed nice, smelled even nicer. He wasn’t even using his scent blockers. The color drained from Castiel’s face, “Wh-Why do you need to look your best?” he asked. _

_ Dean turned to Cas, confused. It hadn’t been long but surely he’d told him...right? Dean told Cas everything, he’d meant to-. When he went back over the day in his head he remembered a confident and yet somehow still shy Benny pressed against his locker with a beautiful soft smile. The low spoken words that made his chest flutter a bit and his father’s voice hidden in the back of his mind yelling yes in agreement as it came out of his mouth as well.  _

_ Then he’d freaked out, rushed home, and started getting ready.  _

_ He hadn’t called Cas… _

_ Fuck. _

_ “Benny Lafitte asked me out today, I know, I know I meant to tell you sooner but I might have freaked out a little...or a lot. Thanks though, for being here, for helping. You always help, Cas.”  _

_ Castiel staggered a bit, “He...he asked you out?” he asked, voice pitched and strained. This couldn't be happening, he’d come here to tell Dean how he felt! “You said yes,” he said in more of a whisper. That was all the answer he needed. Dean didn’t feel the same and probably never would, especially with someone like Benny interested. Castiel swallowed down his heart and forced down the urge to scream. _

_ “That’s...that’s awesome Dean, I’m happy for you.” _

_ There was something wrong with Cas, they’d been best friends long enough for Dean to know every tell, every sign that something was off and there might as well have been bright red flashing lights over his head.  _

_ “I mean, I know he’s kind of popular and stuff and I’m y’know-not, do you think I shouldn’t go?” he asked, because usually when Cas was upset about something it was because he was scared for Dean. Always wanting to be his little protector. It was adorable and for a long time Dean hadn’t been able to see anyone beyond Cas, but when Cas had presented as an Alpha it all started to make sense...it was just his biology and the fact that he cared about Dean as a friend, nothing more. To say it wasn’t disappointing to him was a bald-faced lie but he’d forced himself not to think about it and to move on when the opportunity presented itself.  _

_ And now it had.  _

_ The urge to break down and either cry or break something was hard to push down but Castiel somehow managed to. This was Dean. His best friend. It wasn’t Dean’s fault that Castiel had stupidly fallen in love with him. He swallowed hard again and forced a smile. _

_ “It doesn’t matter that he’s popular, Benny’s a great A-Alpha. One of the better ones anyway,” Castiel said, huffing out a laugh to cover the catch in his throat, “You’d be an idiot to not go,” he said softly. _

_ He was temporarily mollified, even though he could still tell something was up. Maybe Cas was just worried about being left behind or forgotten. Dean wouldn’t have that, so he crossed the room and pulled his best friend in for a hug. “Nobody can replace you, you know that right? You’re the best Alpha out there and my best friend on top of that. You can bet your pretty ass I’m not going anywhere. At least nowhere that won’t let me drag you along with me.”  _

_ Castiel clung onto Dean, not able to stop himself from pressing his face against Dean’s neck. He smelled amazing but he had to quickly remind himself that Dean had unblocked his scent for someone else, not him. He jerked away a little harsher than he intended and nodded, “I know Dean. I-” _

_ Ding Dong. _

_ “Sorry, that’s Benny...I gotta go, but we’ll talk later yeah?” Dean asked, grabbing his jacket as quickly finished buttoning up the red shirt Cas had recommended.  _

_ Castiel nodded, watching Dean walk out of the room. He followed slowly, his heart breaking with each step he took and damn near shattering when he saw Benny standing in the doorway. Benny and Dean shared shy smiles then Benny was taking Dean’s hand, pulling him out of the house. Castiel stood there for a few minutes, not aware of the tears on his face until Sam was gently pushing a tissue into his hand.  _

Castiel dragged his fingers through his hair. Thinking about all of this was not doing anything for his poor heart. That year had been the worst. Shortly after their date, Dean and Benny started up a relationship that no matter what Dean said, Castiel had been practically thrown to the side. Dean hadn’t even noticed that Castiel had begun to start packing to move for college. It was a horrible feeling and it only got worse when Benny showed up at his house one day, demanding to know why  _ he _ wasn’t talking to Dean. Castiel wanted to punch the stupid Alpha in the face. Somehow it never got to that but Benny managed to get out of him how he felt towards Dean.

_ “You’re in love with him,” Benny stated, arms crossed over his chest. Castiel rolled his eyes and shoved his shirts roughly into his suitcase. _

_ “No, I’m not. He’s...he’s my best friend.” _

_ “Cas, I’m not a fucking idiot okay? Just admit you’re in love with him!” _

_ “Why? Why should I! It doesn’t matter anymore, he’s with you-” _

_ “He has the right to know Cas!” _

_ “No...no. He’s happy. He’s safe and he’s happy. That’s all-” Castiel blew out a harsh breath and swallowed down the large lump in his throat, “That’s all that matters. Just take care of him Lafitte and please don’t tell him.” _

It had taken nearly an hour to convince the other Alpha to leave but Benny finally did. Castiel didn’t know what Benny ended up telling Dean but his best friend never tried to call him.

Or even show up when Castiel officially left.

It wasn’t until Castiel’s first break from school that he and Dean even really spoke. That’s how it was between them for nearly three years. Up until Castiel was set to move back and finish off his schooling in their local university. It was also then that Dean nearly broke down his door completely distraught. 

_ “How fucking dare you!” Dean roared, feeling the furthest thing from Omega that he’d ever felt. He’d been an emotional wreck before, hell he’d even been pissed off before but none if it, not a damn second felt as deep, as visceral as this. “How dare you, Castiel!”  _

_ “What?” Castiel asked dumbly, quickly shutting the door to his apartment. Dean was furious as he paced in front of him. He’d barely gotten back and was hoping to reconnect with Dean and maybe repair their stilted friendship but it wasn’t looking good so far. _

_ Dean huffed his frustration out, trying to calm down but it wasn’t working. He’d never wanted to punch someone so badly before, not even Alistair had pissed him off to the extent of rage he felt toward his best friend.  _

_ The calming scent of Cas did manage to curb his more base instincts and he was finally able to speak again. “You-you-you ASSHOLE! First, FUCKING FIRST, you can’t tell my boyfriend, to keep secrets from me Cas. That’s a dick move!”  _

_ “Second, Second-Gahh, you fucking check out on me. I tried, I tried so damn hard, it tore me up to lose you and you wouldn’t pick up the damn phone, hell I didn’t even know you were fucking leaving! I thought-I thought you-I thought you didn’t want to be friends with me anymore...I thought that my-my scent had driven you away. The first time I really went off the blockers and you hugged me like it was goodbye and then you fucking went Awol on me Cas, not cool!”  _

_ Dean paced a little more, holding a finger up when Cas started to speak, “I’m not done. You-I get being scared, okay… I get that, but you don’t hide shit like this from me Cas, not only because you’re my best friend and one of the most important people in my life, even now...but because, fuck Cas-I, I loved you too-I- Fuck, You let me be with Benny, let me love him for YEARS all the while I’m missing my best friend to the point of torture and the man I loved had to tell me that maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t me missing my best friend. That maybe I missed my MATE!”  _

_ Castiel was trembling so hard he had to grip at the counter to keep himself from collapsing. He wanted to interrupt so badly but Dean never gave him the chance. It took him a moment to find his voice but even when he did it was thick and broke, “M-May I speak now?” he asked. _

_ “I don’t know, are you-are you going to stop being stupid?” Dean asked, suddenly feeling more vulnerable than ever before. He’d used up all the anger and now he was left with the rawness of his confession. What if Benny had it wrong? What if Cas didn’t love him, or if he did but that had been years ago. He might not want him anymore, he might have a m-No, Dean cut that thought off, he couldn’t believe that, not until Cas said it at least.  _

_ Castiel took a cautious step closer, “The day I came over to your house, the one you told me about your date with Benny, I was actually there to tell you how I felt. I’d finally come to terms with it and couldn’t wait to tell you,” he said, swallowing hard and tried to blink the ache in his eyes away. _

_ “But you were so excited about your date and the fact that you had said yes to Benny...I figured you didn’t feel the same way about me. So I let you go. You being happy was the only thing that ever mattered to me, so-so I let you go,” Castiel said, laughing at how weak and ridiculous he sounded. _

_ “Oh and, for the record. You stopped talking to me first Dean. You ignored me and I just accepted it,” he finally spat out. _

_ “You should have told me, Cas...you should have...we could have-” Dean rubbed his fingers through his hair roughly, thinking of the missed opportunities. He loved Benny, he did...maybe even in a way that was beyond friendship but nothing had ever compared to the way he felt when he was with Cas. Like home, like safety, like it was the only thing he needed.  _

_ “And no-no I will admit for a couple of months I did get a bit wrapped up in Benny, I-I was trying to burn out the ‘more than friendship’ feelings I had for you but I called you that night Cas, I called you that night to talk and you didn’t answer, I called you a lot, I tried to track you down after your classes but you changed your whole damn schedule or the route you took-I don’t know, but you did it in less than a week. I might have been busier with Benny than I had been when it was just the two of us but I still wanted you around, I still needed you Cas.”  _

_ “I’m sorry Dean. It was just...It was hard enough seeing you go off with him I couldn’t handle watching you with him at school. And I did try to call you back but you didn’t answer my messages for days. So I stopped trying,” he said and copied Dean, holding up his hand when he tried to speak. _

_ “Benny’s a good Alpha. He actually came and confronted me about why I wasn’t talking to you and I admitted to him how I felt. He didn’t even try to attack me...just accepted it. Like me, we just wanted you to be happy,” Castiel sighed heavily, “I asked him not to say anything because what good would it have done Dean? I was leaving for college and you were with a good Alpha who made you happy.” _

_ “You’re right Cas, I did. I had a good Alpha who did everything he could to make me happy, but you know what I didn’t have?” Dean asked, steadily moving across the room until they were only a breath apart. “I didn’t have my mate.”  _

_ Castiel flinched, “Dean I...what about Benny?” he asked in a hushed whisper. Every inch of him was screaming to touch Dean, to close that last bit of space between them so he could finally feel Dean’s skin under his own again. _

_ “I did love him, he was there for me through a lot of shit, Cas...hell I might actually still love him but he’s not mine, not the way you are..and he knows it. He realized that he was standing between us and he finally told me what happened. Even if I didn’t--even if I couldn’t have this, I couldn’t trust him anymore. Not when he’d kept something such an important secret from me for most of our relationship,” Dean answered, feeling a little guilty about how things ended with Benny but it was true all the same. It had broken both their hearts to hear it but when Benny realized that Dean’s pain from missing Castiel wasn’t going away, that it wouldn’t ever go away, he did what he thought was right and while Dean was still pissed off he’d kept it a secret so long, he-he knew he’d learn to forgive him. _

_ “A-And what about me? How can you trust m-me?” Castiel asked, his breaths coming in faster and harder to the point where he thought he might pass out. He had to move away, to grab at the counter again so he actually wouldn’t fall over. _

_ ‘It’s going to take some time… for both of us to heal from the separation, but Cas...you were my first friend, my best friend, you’re my mate, there’s nothing I wouldn’t forgive.”  _

_ Castiel stared up into Dean’s face and hesitantly reached out for him. The moment they touched a deep keening sound left his throat and in a blink he was clinging to Dean, holding the Omega tight against him, “I missed you so fucking much Dean,” he hissed. _

_ “I missed you too,” he said, finally letting himself relax into the scent of his mate. “I missed you so fucking much, Cas.”  _

_ Dean held on tightly until they both stopped shaking, it had felt like forever and not long enough at the same time. “You can’t do that again, you can’t leave me again Cas...I need you, I love you and I need you, you have to stay now...or take me with you I don’t care but you can’t check out on me just because you think I’m better off without you, I’m NEVER better off without you.”  _

_ Castiel nodded, turning his head to take in a deep breath of Dean’s scent. There was still an underlying tone of stress there but it was calming down. He brushed his lips feather light over his skin and pulled away just enough to cup Dean’s face, “I love you too Dean,” he said, genuinely smiling for the first in what felt like forever. _

“Hey, isn’t that the doctor,” Benny said, snapping Castiel out of his thoughts. He glanced over and sighed.

“No, that’s not Dean’s doctor,” he said, moving to slump down in one of the chairs. His legs were tired and if he paid close attention, so was the rest of his body. Benny sunk down next to him and Castiel for once was grateful for the other Alpha’s presence.

“Let me guess, they kicked you out of the room?” Benny asked after a few minutes. Castiel scoffed but nodded, getting a deep chuckle from Benny.

“Figured. You quiet stoic ones always turn out to be the most aggressive,” Benny grinned. Castiel laughed, playfully punching Benny in the arm. He couldn’t deny it though, over the years he’d proven that statement over and over again.

_ “How many times do you want me to apologize? That fucking...prick was all over you!” Castiel shouted, slamming the door to their shared apartment. Tonight was supposed to be one of celebration. Not only was Castiel finally graduating but Dean had officially moved in with him and they were planning their mating ceremony for in the spring.  _

_ “He brushed against me a couple of times, Cas. I told him to back off...I could have handled it,” Dean answered, shaking his head. Usually, there was something inside him that went all squirmy at Cas’ possessive streak but the guy at the club wasn’t Alistair, he wasn’t Cole or the other Alphas that seemed to think Dean was public property, he was just a guy that was awkwardly flirting with a nearly mated Omega.  _

_ Castiel took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, “I’m sorry Dean. I am. I-I’m the one ruining tonight,” he stammered rubbing the back of his neck. It had started off so well too. The new restaurant had been right up Dean’s alley with classic rock playing over a jukebox and perfectly grilled burgers. The movie had been mediocre but Dean had loved it so Castiel was content with the choice. Everything fell to shit though when they got to the club. Castiel overreacted, he knew this but with the scent of so many posturing Alphas eyeing his mate, it was hard to not flip out on the first one who touched Dean.  _

_ “It’s fine, Cas...I’m not that mad I just, I just wanted to get you out of there, it wasn’t going to end well, not tonight at least,” he said, “You’re about to hit your rut and you’re getting a little too growly, nothing I can’t handle.”  _

_ Castiel shook his head, “No I shouldn’t be on my rut for another week,” he said and looked at the calendar, paling at the red circle for tomorrow’s date, “Oh…” he groaned. Now everything made sense. From the feverish feeling to the clinginess.  _

_ “Ugh, now I’m even more sorry. I know how much you hate the typical Alpha bullshit, c’mere,” he said and gently pulled Dean closer to nose at his neck. _

_ “It’s fine, sweetheart. I just don’t like feeling like I can’t take care of myself and sometimes, when we’re in public and you act that way, it-well it’s not good, but I can deal with it. I love you and it’s okay,” Dean promised, and meant every word.  _

_ “I love you too baby,” Castiel said and kissed at Dean’s lips, there was a click in his chest and he found himself digging his fingers into Dean’s hips, pushing their hips together, “Shit...sorry. I can um...I can go somewhere else while my rut gets out of my system,” he said nervously. They’d only had sex outside of their heat and rut cycles. They wanted to wait for when they were mated to experience at least heat sex. _

_ “You can stay here, I’ll head over to Sam’s for a couple of days,” Dean said, dropping a soft kiss to Castiel’s forehead. “My scent is here, it will make things easier for you sweetheart, just let me know when you want me back home.”  _

_ “Now?” Castiel said almost pathetically. He knew they were supposed to wait but he didn’t want Dean to leave yet, “Can we...can we just snuggle on the couch for a bit? Please?” he asked, knowing his cheeks were a full-on dark red by now. _

_ “Are you gonna be able to control yourself?” Dean teased, raising an eyebrow in question. Cas’ restraint had never come close to breaking, not when it meant pushing Dean’s boundaries or causing him any kind of pain or hurt. He wasn’t sure if it was a mate thing or just a Cas thing but Dean knew that he never had to worry about any of that with his Alpha.  _

_ “I promise I’ll control myself. The second I feel I can’t I’ll lock myself up in the room,” he said, gently tugging at Dean’s hand to drag him over to the couch. He sat down first and then pulled Dean onto his lap, his nose instantly finding its way into his mate’s neck, “I love you so much Dean,” he sighed. _

_ “Love you too, Alpha,” Dean said, grinning when Cas’ eyes flashed a bit. “What? I didn’t promise to behave...consider it payback for earlier,” he teased, not even upset about it anymore but he did love to drive his mate a little crazy from time to time. _

_ “Dean...you can’t do that,” Castiel whined, gripping at Dean’s waist to pull his mate closer. They were still completely dressed but Dean’s scent was strong and he would gladly drown in it if he could.  _

_ They sat that way for a while, Dean allowing for Castiel to hold him until the Omega was gently pulling away. Castiel looked at him in question when Dean merely pointed to Castiel’s crotch, “Fucking bastard ruining everything,” Castiel grumbled staring at the bulge in his pants. He leaned up for a kiss and again, Dean stopped him from trying to go deeper, “Call me when you get to Sam’s please?” he asked. _

_ “I will, promise...have fun with that,” he grinned, dropping his hand to squeeze the bulge a couple times as he leaned in for one more kiss. “My Zep shirt is in the third drawer… if you need it.”  _

Castiel smirked, shaking his head at that particular memory. As much as it had sucked in the beginning, he would never regret waiting. They had lined up Dean’s heat with there mating ceremony and spent the week fucking in every room and every surface of their honeymoon suite in Hawaii. Castiel only remembered seeing the beach once and that had been on the rare occurrence that Dean wanted to have sex outside while the sun was setting.

_ Castiel nosed at the space behind Dean’s ear and kissed at the sweat-slicked skin there, “Think that was the last one baby,” he said, gently nipping at the new claim mark on Dean’s neck. His mate’s heat had finally burned out but Castiel was still tied to him and Dean was trembling slightly in his arms, “It shouldn’t take long, I’ll get you something to eat after it goes down,” he said softly. _

_ “My sweet Alpha, you always know just what I need,” Dean said, feeling the warmth of their bond filling up his insides. It had always been there, he’d known that, but wearing Cas’ mark, just knowing he’d been claimed really, was enough.  _

_ Castiel’s heart soared at the praise and he continued to nuzzle at Dean and drag his fingers over his mate’s sore body. Thank God their room also came with a jacuzzi. After feeding his mate he was definitely getting him in that hot water with the massaging jets. _

_ “Other than being sore, how are you feeling?” he asked pressing a few kisses to Dean’s shoulder. _

_ “I’m not sore really, I mean not like I usually am. I feel...I feel good, warm and satisfied. I’m good, Cas.” Dean nuzzled as much as he could in his current position but he didn’t need a lot. Cas had his arms wrapped tightly around him, his knot still tied inside him, not to mention the smug, sweaty scent of their sex filling the air around them. “You’re a good Alpha, you’ve taken good care of me and you’ve protected me, I’m okay.”  _

“Do I even wanna know what that look on your face is for?” Benny teased. Castiel grinned, shaking his head.

“Probably not. Just...all these memories I have of our life together…” he said.

“Hey, Dean’s gonna be okay. You know that right?” Benny said softly.

“Yeah, I know. He’s a tough son of a bitch,” Castiel said swallowing hard, twisting the wedding band on his finger. It was a human custom but Dean had wanted it to be a part of their ceremony and of course, Castiel wanted to give Dean whatever he wanted. There was a dull quiet in the hallway, almost stifling the way the air seemed to close in around him. Before he could truly begin to freak out there was a clearing of a throat next to him.

“Whaddya say Alpha, ready to meet your little girl?” Jessica asked, giving the gobsmacked Alpha a small smile. Dean had put up one hell of a fight, not that it had been easy on him but he’d recover. He’d recover, she promised herself she wasn’t going to lose this one, no matter what. 

Castiel gripped at Benny’s shoulder and got up, “I’m sorry for my actions earlier,” he said and bowed his head, “Is he...is my mate okay?” he asked.

“Not gonna lie, it wasn’t pretty for a bit but Dean’s a fighter and he’s given everything he had for the last few hours, so maybe trust in that a little, yeah?” Jessica said, moving her head toward the room where Baby Winchester-Novak was waiting for her Alpha. 

Castiel nodded, eagerly following Jessica towards the nursery. His breath caught when he caught a familiar mixture of his own scent along with Dean’s. A pink bundle was suddenly in Jessica’s arms and then gently pushed into his own, “Oooh...oh she’s beautiful,” Castiel sighed, swallowing the lump in his throat. She was so tiny but Castiel knew she would be. 

“May I bring her to Dean?” he asked quietly.

“He needs to rest but you can take her with you and sit by his bedside. If he wakes up asking for her, then you’ll be there to show him everything is okay,” Jess promised but before he left, she reached out to put a hand on his arm. “I want you to be prepared that it might be a long while before he wakes up. The meds we had to give him could potentially keep him sedated all the way into tomorrow, but its best that he not move around too much right now. He had a lot of tearing and we had to put in some stitches. The more he moves, the more blood he will lose and we don’t want that, okay?” 

Castiel nodded his head a bit jerkily but he heard her. He held the baby close to his chest and entered the room where his mate was. It hit him all at once. Just how close he’d been to losing not only his mate but their daughter. He sniffled, leaning in to kiss his daughter’s head before gently lowering her into the cart, bed thing the hospital used to move the babies around the hospital. Once he was sure she was safe he went to the bed and gazed at his mate. He looked so small and pale against the sheets. The pregnancy had been anything but easy from the very get-go but he remembered the joy on Dean’s face when they had found out.

_ Castiel entered their home, placing his trench coat and keys at the table near the door. There was a tension in the air that Castiel couldn’t place but he crept slowly into the house, not wanting to set off his mate like he had this morning.  _

_ “Baby?” he called out once he peered into the living room and didn’t see Dean there. _

_ Dean bit his lip and took a deep breath. Cas would be home any time and he wasn’t sure how his Alpha would react. They’d known one another almost their whole lives and he knew Cas better than he knew himself most days but not with this...they’d never even talked about kids. How had they been together for so long and it never came up? What if Cas didn’t want them? What if he’d just assumed Dean was on the pill or something? What then?  _

_ He didn’t have time to panic about it for too long before he heard the footsteps coming up the stairs. He would relax and he would show Cas how happy he was and maybe that would be enough. His mate loved him and wanted him happy. Maybe it wouldn’t feel like a trap if they were both happy.  _

_ “Dean?” Castiel called out, slowly opening the door, “I’m sorry about this morning, hope you’re still not angry with me,” he said, cautiously poking his head into the room. He didn’t even know how it started but before he’d left for work Dean had started yelling and blaming Castiel for this or that. They didn’t have time to resolve it and Castiel had tried to text Dean but never got a response. It either meant Dean was still angry or was guilt ridden by the whole thing. _

_ “In here,” he said, doing what he could to make himself comfortable on their bed. He knew he would have to apologize for all of the stuff earlier but he pushed that to the back of his mind and tried his damndest to remember the man he loved, the man who loved him, wouldn’t leave him, they were mates, and he was an Omega, it was expected at some point if they didn’t use protection that Dean would wind up pregnant and Castiel hadn’t ever mentioned using it, not since they were mated at least.  _

_ “Hey, sorry about earlier but we can deal with that later. I need you to sit down,” he said, patting the bed beside him.  _

_ Castiel hesitated for a moment. Dean didn’t look as stressed as he had been that morning but there was something else there, something he couldn't identify just yet. He slowly sat down on the bed, “What’s going on Dean?” he asked softly. _

_ “Cas...I’m-I’m pregnant,” he said, doing his best to hold onto the happiness he felt. It as abundant and it filled him up but he was also more terrified than he’d ever been in his life. This was their life, their futures, his everything. What if Cas didn’t want any part of that? _

_ Castiel blinked at him once...twice, maybe three times before it finally clicked. Dean’s moodiness, him being sick. His mouth dropped open as his eyes instantly welled up with tears, “You’re...you’re pregnant?” he asked, voice strung out with awe. He didn’t even kick off his shoes as he crowded up against Dean and kissed him deeply, his hands cupping the sides of his neck. He pulled away and sniffed up Dean’s neck, that something he couldn’t identify was a new scent that had begun to grow underneath Dean’s common ones. It was sweeter, like strawberries and Castiel groaned. _

_ “You’re-you’re okay with it, with everything? I know we haven’t really talked about it and I didn’t want you to think it was I don’t know-some sort of, plan or anything. I was as surprised as you are but we never talk-”  _

_ “Of course I’m okay with it baby,” Castiel said, cutting Dean off with a kiss, “I’m sorry we never talked about it, it wasn’t something I was trying to avoid, just never came up but I’m so happy right now. Especially if you are,” he said pressing a gentle hand against Dean’s flat stomach. _

_ “I am, I mean..., I’m freaking out too but, I’m happy.”  _

Castiel leaned down and kissed at Dean’s forehead, “I love you so much,” he whispered, moving to sit down in the arm chair positioned by the bed. He’d barely leaned his head down on his hand when he fell asleep. When he woke up Jessica was in the room, helping his now awake mate to feed their daughter. Castiel smiled brightly, scooting closer to his family.

Dean winced a bit when his baby girl latched on but Jess was doing most of the work, bless her. He wasn’t sure he had the strength in his arms to hold his tiny daughter, not without her help at least. It was ridiculous, she didn’t even weigh a full ten pounds but it was as if his whole body felt weak and frail in a way that he wasn’t used to. He hoped it didn’t last too long. 

Looking down at her though, he found the strength. “I’ve got her, at least for a few minutes...if I need help, Cas is here.” 

Jessica looked to him for confirmation and Castiel nodded, giving her a smile before she hurried out of the room. Castiel reached out to touch the side of Dean’s face, “It’s so good to see you awake baby,” he said and then leaned in to kiss the top of Dean’s head.

“Yeah, it’s-it’s been rough, I’m still pretty tired but for her…” Dean said, staring down at their beautiful daughter. “I think I could do anything.” 

He let the girl nurse for a bit, focused on her and the scent of his mate nearby. His eyes started to droop a bit but he kept himself awake by talking. “So I heard you went all growly on the cute beta nurse.” 

Castiel flushed, “I didn’t mean to. You passed out a-and I freaked out. Got myself kicked out of the damn room too,” he sighed, leaning in to gently add his hand under their daughter, taking some of the weight off of Dean’s arms.

“I heard that too,” Dean grinned, chuckling a bit at his ridiculous Alpha. “I’m guessing it wasn’t pretty so I don’t blame you for freaking out. I probably would have if it were you in here passing out and I felt helpless to stop it.” 

Castiel nodded, “I was terrified of losing you both,” he said. Biting his lip he gave his mate a shy smile, “Sam should be here in the morning but uh, I called someone else who’s either still waiting in the hall or left to get some food,” he said.

“Oh?” Dean asked. His mom was further away than Sam even so he didn’t think it was her...maybe Ellen or Jo but it was unlikely that they’d leave Ash in charge of the bar for a full weekend just to come to check on him. “Who?” 

Castiel bit his lip, “Benny,” he said.

Dean’s eyebrows rose toward his hairline quickly. “You called Benny, and brought him here? But they kicked you out for being unreasonable?” Dean whistled, “You never went about things the easy way did ya, sweetheart?” 

“Go, go get him and bring him in here, I’ve got her for a bit now.” 

“I-I just now you’d want to see him,” Castiel said with a shrug. He kissed at Dean’s lips, pressing their foreheads together before doing what Dean asked. Sure enough, he found Benny walking back into the hospital with his arms full of food bags.

“I had no clue what you’d want so I got a bit of everything,” Benny said once he was close enough. Castiel laughed a little, grabbing up some of them.

“Thank you. C’mon, Dean’s awake and wants to see you,” he said leading the way back to the room.

Once they were back inside Benny walked up to the bed with a soft smile, “Hey there cher. Oh, look at this beauty,” he said grinned looking at the baby girl.

Castiel was thankful he didn’t feel an ounce of possessiveness when Benny got closer. He’d worked on it, wanting to be okay with Dean’s friendship with the other Alpha. He went through the food bags to give the two some time.

“She’s a looker huh?” Dean asked, beaming a bit despite the tiredness he felt. “You wanna hold her? She’s probably done eating for now,” he added, gently giving her up when Benny scooped his big hands under the small wriggling wrap of blankets. 

Benny quickly shot a glance towards Castiel, something fond swelling in his chest when the other Alpha simply smiled. He held the little girl close to his chest and hummed, “She’s gorgeous Dean. How ya feelin?” he asked.

“Tired, but okay...better with her,” he admitted, inching up the bed just a little, to readjust and get more comfortable. At least he tried. “Cas can you?” he asked motioning toward the pillow. His Alpha quickly came over and helped him sit up with both the pillow and adjusting the hospital bed until Dean sighed in relief. “Yeah, that’s better. Thanks, sweetheart.” 

“You’re welcome baby,” Castiel said kissing Dean’s temple, “Do you want some water or anything?”

“I’m okay for now, thanks though.” Dean answered grinning up at his ridiculous Alpha. 

“We should really come up with a name for her though,” Dean said, trying not to sound too pushy. They’d not been able to decide on anything that they could both agree on and Dean thought it was best to wait until they saw her, he thought it would be easier when that happened. Something told him he might have been wrong about that. 

Castiel nodded, looking over at Benny rocking their daughter and singing softly. It was a sweet sight that had him smiling, “What are some that you like?” Castiel asked, leaning back enough to wrap his arm around Dean’s shoulder and dragging his fingers through his mate’s hair.

“I liked Fayette, or Faye, though we had several variations picked out that we couldn’t agree on,” Dean admitted, smiling up at his friend. “Cas liked Jamina” 

“Those are good,” Benny said with a nod.

Castiel grinned. Benny didn’t see the link but refused to point it out. He wanted the Alpha to figure it out on his own, “Yes, but looking at her, Jamina doesn't exactly fit. I do like Benji."

"Mmm, Benji's cute," Benny hummed and then froze. He turned wide eyes up to Castiel and Dean to find knowing smirks on their faces.

"You're serious?"

"We wanted to name her after her godfather," Dean said with a shrug, his lips twitching as he tried to suppress the smile. Benny quickly teared up, nodding his head vigorously.

"Then-Then Benji's a wonderful name," he said thickly, "Hey there little angel," he cooed down at the baby.

Castiel leaned back against the wall and sighed softly. He truly was a lucky son of a bitch.

* * *

* * *


End file.
